Even Avatars, as cool as they are, look like dorks with 3D glasses on

After having recently seen the blockbuster blowout Avatar, and hearing numerous rumours that 3D Tv is coming, I have only one thing to say… This sucks. And for many more reasons than just the dorky glasses that come along with it. The reality is, our brains were not meant to process the third dimension like this!

Sure, the glasses leave a lot to be desired. So, I’ll design up a great pair of 3D glasses! Magnesium alloy frames so they are feather light. Wrap around lenses so your peripherals are un-obstructed. The softest nose pieces made of unicorn tears so they feel just right on your face. And lets face it, we have been designing and wearing spectacles for centuries so why not get a grade-A design like Dior on the job and they’ll even be stylish! But wait, they have to fit over existing glasses… And all this doesn’t change the fact that you still look like a dork wearing them in a movie theatre. Almost as dorky as the people wearing sunglasses indoors (or at night—a certain song comes to mind). Seriously, next time you’re watching an epic 3D film, take a quick look around the room. Try to hold back your laughter. You wouldn’t want to disturb the audience.

Now, to be honest, the glasses aren’t the worst part of the experience for me. I can deal with occasionally having to remove them for a minute or two so I can gain a little bit of comfort back in my nose. The real issue I have with 3D is that it wrinkles my brain!

When we watch a movie at home, or even in the archaic 2-dimensional theatres of last year, we accept the fact that everything is 2-dimensional. Or, rather our brains accept that fact. Our brains know better than to look deeper into the image. We know it only has 2 dimensions. As soon as that extra dimension is added our brains get excited. Suddenly there is a whole new rich world/z-axis for our eyes to explore. Depth! Characters up close and more personal than ever. The beautiful scenery a way off in the distance. But wait… Why the hell can’t I focus on that? Oh right, it was filmed blurry. This isn’t real 3D, it’s fake!

The way I see it, until 3D is created so I can focus on what I want to focus on, it will never fully take off. Don’t believe me? Imagine trying to watch the NFL in 3D. Instead of an infinite depth of field, where everything is equally in focus and you can watch a full play unfold before your eyes, you’re forced to focus on whoever the camera man thinks you should focus on. Good luck watching the replay where John Madden is drawing circles and arrows around blurry little characters on a blurry grassy field.

I believe if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. So lets wait for them to get 3D right.